January 2009
“I would like to say this. Tardiness is not something you can do on your own. Many, many people contributed to my tardiness. I would like to thank my parents for never giving me a ride to school; the LA city bus driver who took a chance on an unknown kid, and last but not least, the wonderful crew from McDonalds who spend hours making those egg McMuffins without which I’d never be tardy.”
—
Clueless (via filmquotes) (via dreamsandbones)
Story of my life.
Chipotle Employee Just Gave Guy In Front Of You More Rice →
theonion.com
Since noticing the rice disparity moments ago, you have considered a number of tactics to rectify the situation, including hesitating slightly before advancing to the beans and meat in order to convey your concern; staring intently at the other burrito in hopes of drawing attention to its incongruent size; and simply asking the Chipotle employee for a little more rice.
“Our president’s approval rating is somewhere between pictures of baby pandas on the Internet and Free Beer.”
—Rachel Maddow (via vforvelociraptor)
“But does all this sexual imagery in the air mean that sex has been liberated—or is it the case that the relationship between the multi-billion-dollar porn industry, compulsiveness, and sexual appetite has become like the relationship between agribusiness, processed foods, supersize portions, and obesity? If your appetite is stimulated and fed by poor-quality material, it takes more junk to fill you up. People are not closer because of porn but further apart; people are not more turned on in their daily lives but less so.”
—Naomi Wolf on porn in NY Mag via debauchette (via think4yourself)
Kids today.
- Co-worker's daughter: What does God look like?
- Teacher: What do you think God looks like?
- Co-worker's daughter: I don't know. I'll google him when I get home and look at the image search results.
"The Balls"
My 13-year-old brother is writing his memoirs. This is chapter 2:
It was a long time ago in elementary school when this happened, it was cleanup time and I was on block detail. I had my shirt turned up so I could fill it with blocks, along with my hands and various other orifices. I was all full when I decided instead of walking up to the toy bin; I would make the ultimate jump. I decided to make a jump that would not only shake the classroom, but completely RUIN my day. I shot off the floor what felt like miles, but was more like 3 inches, and landed with a sickening thud and ripping noise at the block bin. I had landed so that my legs were bent down far and my knees were stuck out, and boy was it a bad position for ripping your pants. But, for those of you who have ripped your pants before and think it’s a normal thing that happens, and that its victim is not warranted any pity, you’re wrong. I decided that today I didn’t need boxers under my jeans and I had gone to school with out them.
Now, you are all thinking that there is a minor problem here. You all think I just ripped my pants in the back don’t you? Well, my butt wasn’t showing but certain “other” areas were. I had a full on tear up the front of my pants and everything was exposed. Needless to say, I quickly stood up and deposited my blocks. After running to my desk I had to think of what to do. I would have just told the teacher and gotten a new pair or something, but a certain brother told me that if you ripped your pants you got ugly tight purple ones, and they made you finish school in them. I had to go the entire day at school with my balls hanging out of my pants just because of my brother. It wasn’t the best day.
“Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis.”
—Jack Handey
Wall Street’s Socialist Jet-Setters - NYTimes.com →
nytimes.com
Bartiromo also asked Thain to explain, when jobs and salaries were being cut at his firm, how he could justify spending $1 million to renovate his office. As The Daily Beast and CNBC reported, big-ticket items included curtains for $28,000, a pair of chairs for $87,000, fabric for a “Roman Shade” for $11,000, Regency chairs for $24,000, six wall sconces for $2,700, a $13,000 chandelier in the private dining room and six dining chairs for $37,000, a “custom coffee table” for $16,000, an antique commode “on legs” for $35,000, and a $1,400 “parchment waste can.”
Does that mean you can only throw used parchment in it or is it made of parchment? It’s psychopathic to spend a million redoing your office when the folks outside it are losing jobs, homes, pensions and savings.
Thain should never rise above the level of stocking the money in A.T.M.’s again. Just think: This guy could well have been Treasury secretary if John McCain had won.
Bartiromo pressed: What was wrong with the office of his predecessor, Stanley O’Neal?
“Well — his office was very different — than — the — the general décor of — Merrill’s offices,” Thain replied. “It really would have been — very difficult — for — me to use it in the form that it was in.”
Very difficult, I’m sure.
Fucker.
