June 2009
“It is a strange world, and if a man and a woman love each other, that is strange...”
– Wolcott Gibbs, “Death in the Rumble Seat”
“Basically my wife was immature. I’d be at home in the bath and she’d...”
– Woody Allen
“Don’t tell women to smile. No woman has ever said to another woman, “Smile!” But...”
– “1001 Things I Hate”, [redacted] (via warmgun) (via dandywolves)
“A hammock is like a giant net for catching lazy people.”
– Jim Gaffigan (via punchlines)
“A lot of people look up at the stars and feel cold and alone. I’ve never...”
– My dad
“I kind of tend to stay up late just about every night, anywhere from 12:30 a.m....”
– Roz Chast (via Wendy Brandes)
Me: My friend at Glamour wants to interview me for an article about secret makeout moves, but I can't think of any.
My mom: You could tell her about the time Dad got up in the middle of the night and kicked me because he was dreaming that I was an escaped monkey.
Me: Umm, yeah, I'll definitely try to sell Glamour on the "escaped monkey kick."
My mom: Technically it would be the Celebes Black Ape Kick.
“If the English language made any sense, a catastrophe would be an apostrophe...”
– Doug Larson
(via simko)
chloabelle:
iammattjordan:
Fall Out Boy - She’s...
“People who talk about their dreams are actually trying to tell you things about...”
– Chuck Klosterman
(via indieandyy)
(via tulletulle)
“I’d watch that dude do anything, I’d watch that dude have sex with my wife at...”
– Director Kevin Smith on Chris Pine
(via fuckyeahgq) (via tulletulle)
Sitwell: The only thing I ask is, out of the 450 homes we build, one be given to a disadvantaged family from the inner city.
Gob: That’s great. So the other 449 families live in fear? Is that what we’re saying?!
The Time My Brother Ate a Bird-Rabbit, and other... →
“I stayed at that same school for five more years, which is forever when you are...”
– Margaret Cho 