Muse — Unintended (via myromanticmusings)
I am against religion because it teaches us to be satisfied with not...– Richard Dawkins (via tinyrainbows)
Salute Your Solution - The Raconteurs (via...
A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.– Steve Martin
Me: My coffee tastes like dog water.
Devin: Remember when you stole my toothbrush and brushed the dog's teeth with it and then put it back?
Me: Oh yeah! I guess we're even now.
Devin: Actually we're really not.
Never love anybody who treats you like you’re ordinary.– Oscar Wilde (via xoxsarah)
While playing "Guess Who?"
Me: How much would you have to get paid to have sex with Alfred?
Molly: Which one's Alfred?
Me: The guy in the middle who looks like a pedophile.
Molly: Oh god! I would never have sex with him! So let's say...$5000.
Me: Wow. That's a really low price for "never."
Nick: Remember that one time when one of your friends got a boner while he was laying on his stomach so he had you sit on his back to test his boner strength?
Devin: I've done that with all my friends. You'll have to be more specific.
Me: Therefore, according to my calculations, I have 149 Celine Dion songs to memorize by March!
Nick: That's funny.
Me: There's nothing funny about this.