Student: Can I go to the bathroom?
Teacher: I don't know, can you?
Student: **Pisses on the floor to assert dominance**
Don’t be jealous cuz my mom got a new Saturn.– This quote from my boyfriend’s 5th grade frenemy is my new favorite comeback.
Me: When you say "war games" are you talking about Battleship?
Tona: Yep, all Marines are required to be well versed in Battleship.
Me: There's nothing better than The Shins Pandora station.
Me: Oh my god I'm so white.
Nine Inch Nails - The Great Below (via...
I have a large seashell collection, which I keep scattered on beaches all over...– Steven Wright (via incurable)
At times, the world can seem an unfriendly and sinister place. But believe us...– Lemony Snicket’s A Series of Unfortunate Events